When is Natural not Natural? When it’s MASH!

I was at this great store near Ikea called Fairway. It is a GREAT place to shop if you’re into the whole “fresh food” thing and the staff there is unbelievable. So visit Fairway if you have a chance but whatever you do… Stay away from the MASH™. What is MASH™ you ask?  It’s a visually appealing, bright colored, low calorie, “kosher”, “natural” fruit essence, water drink.

Why They MASH

MASH™ was conceived with everyone in mind, taking all that’s good from a number of well-liked beverages. It’s not 100% juice (contains 4% juice – which you shouldn’t legally be able call juice), it’s not soda-pop (but it is carbonated), nor will you get energy or vitamins from it (it would actually have to have fruit and vegetables in it for that) (we still believe in getting a good night’s sleep and eating your vegetables) (um ok). But you will love its natural fruit essence (can you taste 4% “fruit essence”?) and its very light sweetness (and low calories!). (Sucralose and Aspartame!) So whatever you do or study, MASH™ is for you… when you’re looking for something to drink other than water (water, water, that is) (because remember, they’re claiming to be water).

Ingredients for the 20 oz. Pomegranate MASH™:

Kosher (doesn’t contain pork) Contains 4% juice (see above). May contain juice sediment (I guess that’s to explain why there might be stuff floating in it). Sparkling water, pomegranate, blueberry and chokeberry juice concentrates, CRYSTALLINE FRUCTOSE, NATURAL FLAVORS, citric and tartaric acids, fruit and vegetable juice for color, sodium benzoate (preserves freshness) and SUCRALOSE.

I’m trashing the MASH™ because it made me sick. I think I might actually be allergic to aspartame, high fructose corn syrup and sucralose because when I drink something that has things in it, it leaves a weird taste in my mouth and then my stomach starts to hurt. I blamed myself because I would drink first and read the label later, but blamed the manufacturers when they started changing the names of the poisons so that you couldn’t avoid them. I found out that aspartame was renamed natural flavoring after I drink several different things with “natural flavoring” and couldn’t figure out why I was getting sick. A quick search on start page told me the bad news.

I tried to visit the MASH™ website, but they don’t have one, so I went to their sister company, Boylan Bottling. Boylan makes natural soda’s made from cane sugar, but there is no mention of MASH water under products, only, oddly enough, a link about the joys of Splenda (this link has since been removed).

I don’t drink a lot of soda, but I do like soda, especially ginger ale, but its hard to find one now that doesn’t contain HFCS. I saw online that I should look for Kosher soda, that it was still natural, but then I see that this MASH™ claims to be kosher, so now what?

Fight the power! Keep reading labels! Don’t drink the poison, no matter how appealing they make it. And always remember…

If you’re reading this.. You ARE the Resistance!

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